Claire Pudsey Sexual Massage ❤️

About Glasgow

So, last week, I’m at this dodgy spa—shady vibes, right? This bird’s hands were magic, like Eve’s in the movie, all “tangled up in you.” Made me happy as a pig in muck! But—get this—the bloke next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus. Pissed me right off! Wanted to yell, “Oi, keep it down, you twat!”—but nah, stayed cool, “shaken, not stirred,” yeah? Surprised me how bloody loud some punters get—mate, it’s a massage, not a porno!

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He starts ramblin’ on about how he was out at the pub on Church Lane. I’m like, “Sure, mate, and I’m the Queen of England.” I mean, come on! I ask him for proof, and he pulls out a crumpled receipt. I’m squintin’ at it, tryin’ to make sense of his scribbles.

I changed my name to Pudsey Bear and now I can't get a passport