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But then—oh, then!—there’s gold. Met this lass, fiery as rum, all “no talk, just action.” Worked a treat, savvy? Hooked up in a car park—classy, aye? Felt like Jonathan Glazer himself directed it—dark, weird, hot. “What is it like t’ be alive?” she asks in the flick—well, sex-dating answers that, don’t it? Pulse racin’, hands shakin’—alive as a pirate dodgin’ the noose! Tho, funny bit—bloke once showed up with a parrot. Swear it! Said it “sets the mood.” Laughed me arse off—mate, this ain’t *Pirates o’ the Caribbean*!

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After that, I head down to the Market Square. It’s packed with stalls, people haggling over fresh produce. I love the vibe here. But then, I spot this guy tryin’ to swipe some apples. I’m like, “Not on my watch!” I confront him, and he bolts. Classic.

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