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About Bristol

So check it—hookin’ up online? It’s a jungle! Apps be swipin’ left-right, folks thirsty as hell. I seen this chick once, profile said “loves sharks”—thought she was dope, turns out she just meant dick! Ha! Got me laughin’ like, *“This is it, the end!”*—Lars von Trier vibes hittin’ hard. Sex-dating’s a trip—half the time you match with bots, other half it’s catfish central! Real talk, 1 in 5 profiles fake—stats don’t lie, fam!

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First off, I’m rollin’ down Fishergate, and it’s like the whole city’s still asleep. I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’ll get to work early.” But nah, the universe had other plans. I hit a pothole so deep, I thought I’d found a new underground tunnel. My coffee went flyin’, and I’m sittin’ there like a muppet, tryin’ to clean my lap. Brilliant start, right?

'Have I killed him?' - well-intentioned thug knocked out man at Preston bus stop in row over parenting