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So, last week, I’m prowlin’, right? This chick, red heels, smokin’—hot damn, she’s bold! I’m like, “Hey, doll, got a light?” She smirks, “Got cash?” Classic! Reminds me of Monty’s crew—tough, real. I’m happy as a clam, chattin’ her up, but then—bam!—some jerk cop rolls by. Pissed me off, ruinin’ the vibe! “We’re all animals,” I mutter, like Monty said. Why’s everyone so uptight?

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starvin’. I head over to the market on Friargate. Best place for a sarnie, I swear. I grab a bacon butty, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m sittin’ there, just enjoyin’ life, when I see this old fella tryin’ to cross the street. He’s takin’ his sweet time, and I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, mate, I’ve got a bacon butty to finish!”

Lancashire GP appointments 'postcode lottery' as thousands come after wait of more than a month