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Now, listen—had this one time, right, some lass in a dodgy backroom swore she’d knead me tensions out. Tensions? Ha! More like she woke the dragon down south, if ya catch me drift. Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then—bam—price doubled mid-rub! Fumin’, I was—felt like Zhang Ziyi facin’ that smug noble prick. “I am no one’s servant!” I wanted to yell, but nah, just paid up, grumblin’.

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After that, I head to the café on Market Place for a breather. Grabbed a latte—thank God for caffeine! I sit down, and who do I see? My mate Dave! He’s got this massive grin, and I’m like, “What’s up, mate?” Turns out he just sold a house on Cables Street for a mint. I’m happy for him, but also a bit jelly.

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