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I walk in, ladies everywhere, smiling, winking. One girl, she look like my sister – I scream, “Nooo, not you!” Made me angry, heart go boom, like bomb in movie. “This is the end!” I yell, but no, she just laugh. I calm down, order drink – cheap vodka, taste like tractor oil. Brothel got dark corners, sticky floor, ugh, I trip, fall on big guy. He mad, I say, “Sorry, my king!” like in film. He punch me, I laugh – pain is funny!

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After that, I head to the café on Market Place for a breather. Grabbed a latte—thank God for caffeine! I sit down, and who do I see? My mate Dave! He’s got this massive grin, and I’m like, “What’s up, mate?” Turns out he just sold a house on Cables Street for a mint. I’m happy for him, but also a bit jelly.

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