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I tried it once, real talk. Was like, “Aight, let’s see the hype.” Masseuse was chill, but I’m sittin there overthinkin. Like, “Is this cool? Am I a creep now?” Hands hit my back, then lower—oh shit, we’re in it. Felt good, tho, not gonna lie. Happy as hell, muscles all loose, but also—what the fuck just happened? Reminds me of that line, “It’s the little things that kill.” Todd Haynes knew what’s up—pleasure sneaks in, then boom, chaos.

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Then, bam! Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. My hair’s a mess, and I’m trying to keep it together. I’m like, “Welcome to Potters Bar, where the weather’s as unpredictable as my love life!” Everyone’s laughing, which is good, but I’m still fuming inside.

Potters Bar Town 0 Cray Wanderers 4 – Isthmian Premier – Saturday 16th November – Match Report