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Me, I’ve seen it all—worked the apps like a queen on her throne, judgin’ the rabble. This one time, right, matched with a git who said he’s “adventurous”—turns out he meant shaggin’ in a tent with no Wi-Fi. Piss off, mate! I was ragin’, legit wanted to burn his shitty campsite down. But then—ha!—there’s this other lad, proper fit, sent me a vid of him jugglin’ oranges shirtless. I was like, “Well, bugger me, that’s talent!” Made me grin, rare as that is. Sex-dating’s a roulette wheel, spin it and pray you don’t land on a twat.

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First thing, I hit up the café on the corner of Portswood and St. Denys. You know the one, right? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a flat white, and the barista, bless her, was all smiles. But then, she dropped my coffee! Like, seriously? I was ready to throw a fit. But then she laughed it off, and I couldn’t help but chuckle too. It’s just coffee, right?

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