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About Sheffield

So, like, I tried it, right? Met this hottie—tall, tatts, perf profile. We’re texting, sexting, whatever—total “enhanced interrogation” energy! But IRL? Dude shows up, shorter than my heels! I’m like, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” Made me so mad, I nearly yeeted my phone. Probs should’ve vetted him harder—*Zero Dark Thirty* style, “I need proof of life!”

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Then, just as I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, I hear this commotion. Turns out, a dog’s run off with one of the kids’ buckets. The kid’s crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not on my watch!” So, I jump up, channel my inner superhero, and chase after the dog. I’m running down the beach, yelling, “Stop, thief!” It’s ridiculous. I finally catch up, and the dog just looks at me like, “What’s your problem, mate?”

There was even a chance to try a Rory-style chip into a washing machine