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About Bristol

Weird fact: Romans had sex-dating parties, orgies on speed-dial. Today’s apps? Same shit, modern skin. Gets me hyped—human nature never quits. But damn, the creeps—guys sending dick pics first move? Morons. “I saw everything”—*Caché* vibes, exposed and stupid.

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On our honeymoon we had two weeks of sex, sex, sex, and more sex, we barely left the room. Later we discovered the staff had sex nicknames doe us and placed bets on how long we’d go .

So, I’m hungry now, right? I decide to hit up this little café on Causeway Street. The coffee’s decent, but the barista? Total character. She’s got this wild hair and a tattoo of a fish on her arm. I ask her about it, and she goes off about how it symbolizes freedom or some deep stuff. I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, lady! But hey, I’m all for a good story, so I nod along, pretending to care.

McIlroy to play Scottish Open before Portrush bid