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Clarice… it’s a game, innit? You play, you win—or ya don’t. Like Theo in the flick, dodgin’ bullets for a fuck. “We’re all fucked, Clarice…”—that’s the vibe when ya ghosted after a sext. Once met this bird—profile said “discreet fun,” turns out she’s a bloody copper! Nearly shat meself—thought I’d end up cuffed! Hah, imagine the headlines—radio nerd nicked mid-bang!

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I get to the church, and everyone’s already there. They’re all staring at me like I’ve just come from another planet. I’m outta breath, trying to explain why I’m late. “Sorry, folks! Had a sandcastle emergency!” They just laugh, and I’m like, “You think this is funny?” But honestly, it was a blast.

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