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Once met this guy—said his escort drew him a picture. A PICTURE, dude! I’d frame that junk! “Look upon the face of death,” *Son of Saul* vibes, but nah, it’s just a doodle of a fish or somethin’. Cracked me up! Oh, and—little secret—some escorts use fake names. Like, DUH, who’s gonna be “Hi, I’m Susan” in THAT job? Sneaky, sneaky!

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Then, I head to the Portlethen Community Centre. They were having some event, and I thought, “Why not?” I walk in, and it’s a bingo night. I’ve never played bingo in my life. But hey, I’m here for the experience. I sit down, and the lady next to me is super into it. She’s shouting numbers like she’s at a football match. I’m just trying to keep up. I didn’t win, but I did make a new friend. Her name’s Margaret, and she’s a hoot. We bonded over our mutual love for bad sweaters.

Portlethen father and son put horror accident behind them in world’s toughest footrace