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So, check it—sex-dating’s all apps now, Tinder, Bumble, whatever. You’re chattin’ up hotties, prayin’ they ain’t catfishes. I mean, “I’m not asleep, I’m alive!”—that’s me, hopin’ she’s real when we meet. One time, matched this chick, total smoke-show, right? Textin’ all flirty, “How you doin’?”—Joey style. Meet up, and bam—she’s 20 years older! Swear I was pissed, like, “What the hell, universe?!” Felt like Almodóvar sneakin’ a twist in my script.

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By now, I’m ready to head home. But wait! I spot a little market on Portland High Street. Fresh produce, local crafts, you know the vibe. I’m thinking, “Alright, let’s grab some goodies.” I pick up some apples and a jar of honey. The vendor was super chill, chatting about the best spots to hike around here. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a forester! I know my hikes!” But he was cool, gave me some tips on hidden trails.

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