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About Glasgow

Here’s a lil’ factoid—ancient Chinese emperors got this stuff, called “tantric touch,” to keep their peckers perky. Ain’t that nuts? Made me happy as a pig in slop knowin’ history’s so freaky. But what pisses me off? Them uppity folks judgin’ it—like, chill, Karen, it’s just a rubdown with a twist! Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought it was all sketchy, but some therapists train legit for it—certified and everythin’!

Call to book

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Church Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the one. I ordered a latte, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you even mess up a latte? It was like drinking hot milk with a hint of regret. I was like, “C’mon, mate, I need caffeine, not a dairy disaster!”

Irish Premiership: Glentoran visit Portadown in third vs fourth showdown