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Heya, pal! D’oh! Sexual-massage, huh? Man, it’s wild! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—Mmm… donuts—how it’s all touchy-feely, right? Like, you’re gettin’ rubbed down, but sexy-like! Watched “12 Years a Slave” again—damn, that line, “I will survive!” hits hard. Makes me think—sexual-massage ain’t just fun, it’s deep! Survival vibes, y’know? Body’s screamin’, “I will not bow!” while some chick’s kneadin’ ya.

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But then, just as I was feeling all zen, my phone buzzed. It was work. Ugh. They needed me to come in for an “urgent” meeting. Like, can’t a person catch a break? I was fuming. I mean, who schedules a meeting on a sunny day in Portadown?

Ladies with Letters campaign makes it to national television on BBC’s ‘Dr Xand’s Con or Cure’