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About London

So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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It is a crime in Northern Ireland to pay for sex. This means it is illegal to pay or promise to pay someone for sex, either directly or through another person.

So, I rushed back through the streets, dodging people like I was in some sort of obstacle course. I took a shortcut down William Street, and let me tell ya, it’s not the best place to be in a hurry. There’s always some dodgy characters hanging about. I was half-expecting someone to ask me for change or something.

Air ambulance attends scene of ‘serious’ collision near Portadown