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I’m ready! Hiya, matey! So, escort, huh? Not the car, nah, I’m talkin’ those fancy-schmancy folks who tag along for a price! Like, whoa, ever think how wild that gig is? Watched “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” — fave movie ever, BTW — and it’s all slow vibes, deep talks, and dusty roads. Escort life ain’t that poetic, tho! Imagine some dude in a slick suit, or a gal with heels clickin’, just chillin’ next to ya for cash. “The night is long,” like the movie says, and escorts prob feel that hardcore — waitin’, smilin’, actin’ all cozy.

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First call of the day, and it’s a bloke from Down Thomas. He’s all panicky, like, “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Mate, it’s a cat, not a lion!” But he’s convinced it’s a life-or-death situation. I mean, come on! I’m trying to keep a straight face while he’s rambling about his “precious fur baby.” I told him to chill and call the fire brigade. They’re just down the road on the main drag.

Heartbreaking tributes to 'beautiful' son Alfie Tollett who was crushed to death