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Aight, so check this – sex-dating’s like steppin’ into the ring. You gotta size ‘em up quick. Profile says “fun times only,” but next thing, they’re textin’ “wyd” at 3 a.m. Pisses me off, man! I ain’t your late-night snack. But when it clicks? Damn, it’s like winnin’ the title belt. Had this one chick, met her on Tinder, she was all shy – surprise, she’s a freak! Blew my mind, yo. “I must break you,” I told her, winkin’. She laughed, we vibed.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit deflated. I need a pick-me-up. So, I hit up a café on Rectory Road. I order a latte, and the barista is super friendly. We start chatting about the best spots in Pitsea. She tells me about the old church on Church Road. I’m like, “I gotta check that out!”

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