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Dunno, tho—sometimes it feels empty. Like, you shag, you chat, then what? “Life’s a shadow,” *Leviathan* moans, and sex-dating can be that—chasin’ shadows in skimpy knickers. Still, I’d rather play the game than sit it out. Keeps the blood pumpin’, the wine flowin’. So, whaddya reckon—fancy a swipe yerself? Just don’t blame me when some nutter sends ya a toe pic! Cheers, ya filthy bugger—I’m off for a refill.

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Then, I decide to take a stroll. I wander down Station Lane, thinking about how different it is from my forest. No trees, just buildings and people everywhere. I see this old bloke trying to cross the road. He’s like a tortoise, slow as molasses. I’m standing there, waiting, and I’m like, “C’mon, mate! You can do it!” Finally, he makes it, and I’m cheering him on like he just won the Olympics.

Tragedy as two children die after hit-and-run crash in south Essex