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I was on this one app, right? D’oh! Total mess! Saw this chick, profile all “mysterious,” like Haku hidin’ his dragon vibes. Thought, “Ooh, sexy, let’s chat!” Turns out, she’s just pushin’ some sketchy webcam scam. Made me madder’n a wet cat! “Why’s everyone gotta trick ya?” I yelled at my phone. Waste of my damn time, man.

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But no time for snacks! I get a call from Mrs. Thompson on Church Street. She’s freakin’ out about some rats in her garden. I rush over, dodgin’ kids on bikes and old folks walkin’ their poodles. When I get there, she’s standin’ on her porch, lookin’ like she’s seen a ghost. “They’re in my flower beds!” she yells.

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