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What gets my goat? The hypocrisy, mate! Politicos bangin’ on about morals, then—bam!—caught with their trousers down. Makes me wanna shout, “Veni, vidi, vici!”—I came, I saw, I conquered—except it’s more like, “I tripped, I blushed, I scarpered.” Surprised me how normal some of these gals are—chatty, even. One told me she’d seen *Royal Tenenbaums* thrice—said it’s “her vibe.” Fair play, I thought, bit chuffed.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starving. I head over to the local chippy on Burnhope Way. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order my usual – cod and chips, extra salt, and vinegar. I’m standing there, waiting, and this kid comes in, all hyped up on sugar. He’s bouncing around like a pinball. I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re wild.

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