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About Sheffield

Precioussss, yesss, escorts, we knows ‘em! Sneaky little hobbitses—er, peoples—hiring company, hiss! Me, Gollum, loves *Tropical Malady*, see, all twisty-turny, like escort life. “We sees the beast, yesss,” like in movie—escorts got that wild side, eh? Me mate, you wanna hear ‘bout ‘em? Slippery folk, they is! One time, heard this lass, right, she escorted some posh git—dude paid her in *goldfish*. Yesss, fishies! She’s like, “Wot’s this crap?” Made me cackle, it did—still does!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this woman on the beach. She’s got a massive sunhat, like, it could double as a parachute. And she’s yelling at her kids, “Stay close! Don’t go too far!” But they’re already halfway to the pier. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, you might wanna take your own advice.”

Perry Dickson