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Sometimes, tho, fear creeps in… what if it’s awkward? Hate that! Like Scarlett Johansson mumblin’, “I just feel so alone…” but then—boom—touch fixes it! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s messy, sloppy, real. Oil stains? Pfft, who cares! Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood quick. Oh, and don’t skimp on oil, ya cheapskate! Ever heard of tantric vibes? Old-school monks did it—yep, monks! Freaky, right?

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As I walk back, I can’t help but think about how Penryn’s got this charm. The narrow streets, the old buildings, the way the river sparkles. It’s a small town, but it’s got heart. I pass by the old church on Church Street, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m feeling all sentimental, ya know?

Fears Penryn town centre will go down the pan with sale of public toilet block