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But ugh, sometimes it pisses me off. Ever drop it mid-procedure? Clatters like a war boy fallin off a rig—embarrassing as hell. Or when it gets gunked up with tartar? Gross, man, makes me wanna hurl. Still, it’s my fave—reliable, brutal, no bullshit. Everybody lies, but escort? It’s the real deal, cuts through the crap. Oh, and typos? Screw it—escrot, esort, who cares? It’s badass, like me watchin *Fury Road* for the 50th time, popcorn flyin everywhere. Best damn tool in the drawer—hands down!

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I finally get to the office on The Square, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Classic. I’m standing there, yanking on the paper like it owes me money. I’m sweating bullets, and my boss walks in. She’s all smiles, and I’m like, “Lady, can you not see I’m in a battle here?” But she just laughs and says, “You’ll figure it out.” Thanks for the vote of confidence, right?

PICTURES: Christmas cheer fills the streets as Penryn celebrates light switch on