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But then—THEN—I get pissed, ‘cause society’s all, “Oh, how dare they!” Like, chill, Karen, they’re out here survivin’. Didja know, back in the day, some prostitutes in Paris ran secret spy rings durin’ the war? Freakin’ wild! Hustlin’ johns *and* the Nazis—talk about multi-taskin’. I’m sittin’ here imaginin’ this chick from *Ten* doin’ that, smirkin’ at some Gestapo dude while pocketin’ his cash. “You’re a fool,” she’d say, straight outta the movie, and I’d lose it laughin’.

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But then, just when I thought it couldn’t get crazier, I bump into Dave from the pub. He’s ranting about the council’s plans for the new housing estate on Sheffield Road. “They’re ruining our town!” he shouts. I mean, he’s not wrong, but the way he goes on, you’d think they were building a bloody skyscraper!

Controversial new homes plan set for go-ahead