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Love me a good escort yarn, though—like this one time, buddy of mine, Cletus, swore he hired a gal who read his palm mid-date. Said she told him he’d die at 87, happy as a pig in mud. Freaked him out so bad he quit smokin’! I was rollin’, thinkin’, “Hell, that’s worth the fifty bucks!” Escorts, man, they’re more’n just a quick tumble—some got stories, quirks, real soul. “These are the exquisite ones,” Eve’d whisper, and I’d nod, spillin’ my beer.

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Finally, I get to the shop. It’s called “Trendy Threads” or something. I walk in, and it’s packed! Like, who knew Pembroke had this many fashionistas? I’m trying to squeeze through, and this lady with a massive hat nearly takes my eye out. I’m like, “Lady, chill with the headgear!”

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