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About Myself
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About Newcastle
What pisses me off? Liars on profiles! “6’2, ripped”—nah, you’re 5’8 and doughy. Don’t pee on my leg, bro, I ain’t blind! But when it works? Oh, I’m happy as Marlin findin’ Nemo—warms my cold, judgy heart. Surprised me too—some folks actually find love in that cesspool. Good for them, I guess. Me? I’d rather watch Nemo than deal with “u up?” texts at 2 a.m.
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After that chaos, I’m feelin’ a bit peckish, so I hit up this little café on the corner of Fore Street. Best bacon sarnie ever! I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ away, when I overhear this couple at the next table. They’re arguin’ about the best fish and chips in town. I’m like, “Seriously? You’re in Par! Just go to the chippy on the corner of East Street!”
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