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Personal quirk? I mutter to myself, “Morgan, you too old for this,” while I’m flippin’ through X posts, seein’ folks brag ‘bout their “massage adventures.” Surprised me, yo—people out here loud ‘n’ proud ‘bout it! I’m like, “Y’all wild!” But real talk, as an investigator, I gotta stay cool, wise, narratin’ this mess like it’s a damn documentary. Sexual-massage claims? Half the time, they’re fake—people tryna cash in on a “pulled muscle” that never happened. Other half? Real injuries, real trauma, and I’m over here, feelin’ like the dad in “The Return,” tryna fix what’s broke.

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So, I’m fumin’ and headin’ down to the seafront. You know, Paignton’s got that lovely beach, right? I’m hopin’ to chill by the water, maybe watch the kids play. But nah, it’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screamin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find a spot to breathe. I spot a bench on Paignton Green, but it’s taken by a couple of old geezers playin’ chess. I’m like, “Really? Chess? On a sunny day?”

Bring Back The Swamp!