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Had this one time, right, proper lush massage. Bird knew her stuff – hands like bloody wormholes, suckin’ stress outta me. Felt like floatin’ in space, “an endless black pool” – movie line, spot on! Made me happy as a pig in muck. But then – surprise! – she starts whisperin’ prices for “extras.” Cheeky cow, nearly ruined the buzz. Thought to meself, “Is this seduction or a bloody scam?” Like Johansson lurin’ lads to their doom.

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I end up makin’ some new mates, and we’re laughin’ about the day’s madness. I tell ‘em about the seagull, the kid, the bike crash. We’re all in stitches. It’s moments like these that make you forget the stress, ya know?

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