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I’m drivin’, thinkin’, *man, this is dumb*. “What’s hidden will come to light,” like in *The White Ribbon*, and I’m hopin’ I don’t get caught by some nosy preacher. Last thing I need is Sheriff Bubba haulin’ me in—talk about a buzzkill! I finally spot this gal, right? She’s leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she’s bored outta her skull. I roll up, all nervous-like, and she’s like, “What you want, sugar?” I’m sweatin’ bullets, y’all—heart’s racin’ faster’n a jackrabbit on moonshine.

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So, I grab the fire extinguisher, and as I’m spraying it everywhere, I’m thinkin’, “This is not how I pictured my Tuesday.” After that little fiasco, I’m trying to calm down. I decide to take a break and head to the café on the corner of Commercial Road. Best coffee in town, I swear. I order my usual – a flat white – and sit outside, just chillin’.

Flooding fears among reasons 1,000 fewer homes will be built in Paddock Wood