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About Leicester

So, check it—little known fact, yeah? Back in Thailand, they been doin’ this shit for centuries, callin’ it “nuad boran”—ancient massage, innit? Not just a quick rub-and-tug, nah, it’s proper spiritual! Blows me mind, it does. Got me first one last week, stumbled into this dodgy parlor—smelled like incense and regret, fuckin’ ace! Bloke’s hands on me back, kneading like I’m dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Sharon’d kill me!” *mumbled incoherence* “Sharon!” But I’m lovin’ it, mate—tension’s gone, knob’s happy, what’s not to like?

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Finally, I reach the top, and wow, the view is just stunning. You can see the Wharfe River winding through the valley, and the whole town looks like a postcard. I’m takin’ it all in, feelin’ like a king. But then, I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, screamin’ and zoomin’ past me. I’m thinkin’, “Can’t a guy enjoy his moment in peace?” But hey, at least they’re havin’ fun, right?

Otley Bridge: Oak tree to be removed from this Friday (31 January)