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Aight, listen up, precious! Me, Gollum, supervisor now, yesss, we’s watchin’ everythin’. Sex escorts, eh? We hates it! Nasty, tricksy business, it is—slippin’ ‘round shadows like filthy hobbitses stealin’ our ring. Makes me skin crawl, it does! Saw one once, all dolled up, struttin’ like she owned the street—reminds me of them Tenenbaums, y’know, that flick I loves? “Royal Tenenbaums,” best movie ever, precious—Wes Anderson’s a genius, he is. That escort? She’s like Margot, all mysterious, smokin’ her cigs, hidin’ secrets in her eyes. “I’m adopted, you know,” she’d say, prob’ly, if she was in that film—ha!

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First off, I hit up the Osterley Park. Wow, just wow. It’s like stepping into a postcard. Green everywhere! I’m talking lush grass, trees that look like they’ve been there since dinosaurs roamed. I’m strolling down the paths, feeling all zen, when BAM! A squirrel darts right in front of me. I nearly tripped over my own feet. Like, chill, dude!

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