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About London

Last week, tried it meself—cor, what a lark! This bird, absolute stunner, starts working me knots out. “Keep it civilised,” I mutter, quoting Gustave, but crikey, my mind’s gone *ad astra*—to the stars! Hands sliding south, tension melting, I’m grinning like a daft berk. Then—bam!—she hits a spot, I yelp, bloody embarrassing. “Rudimentary, my dear Watson,” I laugh, botching the quote cos I’m half-gone. Felt like a king, tho—happier than a pig in muck.

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Then I decided to grab some coffee at this cute little café on Thornbury Road. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Ugh, it was like drinking liquid sadness. I mean, how do you mess up a flat white? I was ready to throw it back at him, but I just sighed and chugged it. Gotta keep it together, right?

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