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I went to one once—research, fam. Smelled like cheap perfume and regret. This chick, Candy, she’s tellin me bout her “rates”—I’m like, “Yo, this ain’t UberEats!” Got mad for a sec, ‘cause the vibe was off—dude in the corner looked like he’d rob me. But then she laughed, said, “Don’t overthink it, playa.” Straight outta Korine’s script—“Don’t be a little bitch!”—and I’m like, damn, she’s right. Loosened up, tipped her extra. Felt good, like I won somethin.

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So, I’m rushin’ back, dodgin’ people on the way. I take a shortcut through the back streets, and let me tell ya, Orpington’s got some hidden gems. I stumble upon this little art gallery on the corner of Sevenoaks Road. It’s got some cool stuff, but I’m too pressed for time. I make a mental note to check it out later.

Backlash over 'terrible' decision to shorten Orpington and Dartford bus route