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Ya wanna try it? Go slow, find someone legit – no creeps! It’s bout trust, ya feel me? “What do you want from me?” – another *Ten* gem, ‘cause ya gotta ask yaself: relaxation or somethin’ spicier? Me, I’m dreamin’ of one now, legs twitchin’, schemin’ like I’m stealin’ da moon! Ha, erotic-massage – it’s da bomb, period!

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s got this massive grin on his face. “You’ll never guess what!” he says. I’m like, “What? Did you win the lottery?” He tells me he’s finally proposed to his girlfriend at the park by the canal. Aww, bless! I’m happy for him, but also a bit jealous. I mean, who doesn’t want a fairytale moment, right?

Former soldier killed in Boxing Day hit-and-run collision in Ormskirk while cycling home to his son