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Now, here’s a mad one – did ya know some escorts in Japan do “cuddle sessions”? No funny business, just a hug! Mental, right? Got me ragin’ at first – what’s the point, I thought, bloody tease! But then – boom – genius hits. It’s all about connection, like Bob and Charlotte starin’ at Tokyo, lost but found. “Let’s never come here again,” they say, cos it’s perfect as is. Escorts nail that vibe – temporary, but proper deep.

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After that, I stroll down to Oldbury’s High Street. It’s buzzing, loads of folks out and about. I see this old bloke trying to cross the road at the traffic lights on Church Street. He’s just standing there, looking confused. I’m like, “C’mon mate, it’s not rocket science!” Finally, he shuffles across, and I’m thinking, “Bless him, but hurry up!”

Boy, 14, in serious condition after being stabbed in Oldbury