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But when it works? Holy crap, it’s gold! Met this chick, Lisa, total freak in the sheets—oops, TMI! We hooked up after two days of textin, fastest score ever! I was like, “Michael, you magnificent bastard!” She even laughed at my jokes, which, let’s be real, ain’t that funny. “We must do it,” Saul’d whisper, all serious, but me? I’m just tryna Netflix and chill, ya feel?

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So, I’m browsing, and I bump into this mate I haven’t seen in ages. It’s Dave! We start chatting, and he tells me he’s opened a new pub on the corner of the High Street. I’m like, “No way! What’s it called?” He says, “The Oldbury Tap.” I’m already planning my first visit.

'They keep trying' - Oldbury residents fear developer's planning appeal