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About Bristol

I tried it once—well, sorta. Neighbor said, “Patrick, lemme knead ya!” Thought she meant bread! Nope, hands all over—awkward! Felt good tho, like, wowza! Skin’s all soft after, happier than a clam. But, man, some places charge crazy—like, 100 bucks? Pisses me off! Why so much for a rubdown? “You’re all just meat,” like the movie says—equal meat, equal price, yo!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Birmingham Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I order my usual – a flat white and a bacon sarnie. But guess what? They’re outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s breakfast, people! I’m fuming, but whatever, I grab a sausage roll instead. Not the same, but I’ll take it.

Oldbury man charged after 'gun seized following petrol station robbery'