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Oi, me droogs, it’s Gru here! Lightbulb! So, we talkin’ ‘bout whores, da? Not just any, but *whore* – like, big concept, ya? I’m thinkin’ Zero Dark Thirty vibes, dat gritty hunt, dat tension – “We’re all in dis together, damn it!” – but wit’ whores, it’s messier, wilder, ya know? Picture dis: dark alleys, smoky rooms, dese dames struttin’ like dey own da world. I luv it! Makes me heart pump, like when Maya in da movie goes, “I’m gonna smoke everybody involved!” – dat’s da spirit whores got, too!

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Then, I head out to deliver it. I’m walking down The Stow, and it’s buzzing. People everywhere, kids running about, and the smell of fish and chips wafting from the chippy. I love that smell. Makes me feel all nostalgic. But then, I see this bloke on the corner of Market Place, trying to sell dodgy watches. I mean, come on! Who’s buying watches in Old Harlow?

Cricket: Former Harlow CC favourite Rob Coldwell set to return