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I’m on Tinder, right? Dudes lyin’ bout height. Chicks ghostin’ after one pic. One time, matched this girl, total smoke show. She’s like, “Meet at 9.” I’m hyped, yo. Get there, she’s 45 minutes late. Shows up with a dude—her “cousin.” Bruh, I’m not dumb. Felt like NJ in “Yi Yi”—clueless kid. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam. You win some, you lose most.

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Anyway, I dive into the audit. Numbers everywhere. I’m tryin’ to focus, but my mind keeps wanderin’. Like, why do they call it “Oban” anyway? Sounds like a fancy dish. “I’ll have the Oban with a side of chips, please.” Haha! But seriously, I’m surrounded by all these historic buildings, and I can’t help but think about the history. The McCaig’s Tower up on the hill? Stunning! But I’m stuck here with spreadsheets. Ugh.

Man carried out ‘grotesque’ campaign of abuse against ex-partner, Oban Sheriff Court hears