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Picture it – dim lights, soft tunes, some bird’s fingers dancin’ on ya spine. It’s like, “I’m alive!” – straight outta *Talk to Her*. Surprised me first time, thought it’d be dodgy, but nah, pure bliss! Reckon it’s better than a bat-bitin’ gig, haha! Pro tip – them Thai joints? They sneak in tricks from Kama Sutra, swear it! Slippery stuff, gets ya goin’, but don’t tell the coppers, eh?

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You can turn up the dial on relaxation and try four hands or a six hands massage for the best results in half the time. Ultimate bliss. And you can book quicker with the Fresha mobile app .

So, I’m pacing around, trying to calm down. I step outside for a breather. The sun’s shining, but it’s still freezing. I see this old bloke walking his dog down Mill Street. The dog’s got a fur coat that looks better than mine! I can’t help but chuckle. Like, mate, your dog’s got better fashion sense than half the people in Oakham.

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