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So, me, Eric Cartman, tried it once - this chick, total pro, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin’ there, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m all - “Sweet Jesus, this is it!” Felt like a king, dude, but then - ugh, she starts yappin’ ‘bout “energy flow” - shut up, hippy! Made me ragey, I’m like - “Massage me, not lecture me, dammit!” Still, that tingle? Holy crap, surprised me big time - didn’t expect THAT down there, y’know?

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old fella feedin’ ducks. He’s got a whole bag of bread, and he’s just tossin’ it like it’s confetti. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, who feeds ducks like that? I go over and chat with him. Turns out, he’s been comin’ to this park for years. He tells me stories about Oakengates back in the day. It was a different world, he says. I’m listenin’, and it’s like I’m seein’ the town through his eyes.

Limited Shropshire to Birmingham train service to resume after landslip