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Lemme tell ya, last week—swipe right, hot chick, right? We’re chattin’, she’s like, “meet up tonight?” I’m thinkin’, “How you doin’?”—Joey’s got this! We hit this dive bar, she’s smokin’, I’m droolin’. But—plot twist—she’s got a boyfriend! Just wanted “fun” on the side. I’m like, “What am I, chopped liver?” Made me mad, yo—don’t play me like that! But also—kinda hot? Sneaky sex-dating vibes, ya feel me?

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On the way, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s just come from the market on Witton Street, and he’s got this massive bag of fresh produce. I’m like, “What’s in there, mate? A whole farm?” He laughs and says, “Just some carrots and spuds.” I roll my eyes. Only Dave would get excited about veg.

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