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Little fact, mate—didja know them ancient Greeks used olive oil for this malarky? Rubbin’ athletes down, all steamy—cor, imagine me in a toga, flailin’ arms, spillin’ oil everywhere! Made me happy thinkin’ bout it—simple pleasures, eh? But angry too—why’d no one tell me sooner? Coulda been less creaky meself!

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We finally make it to The Salt Barge, and it’s packed. Everyone’s talking about the power outage. Apparently, a tree fell on the power lines near Winnington. Classic Northwich, right? I grab a pint, and we start chatting about the good ol’ days. You know, when the Weaver River was actually clean, and you could fish without catching a boot.

Second man avoids jail after 2-on-1 attack left victim in week-long coma