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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Then, I decide to grab a bite. I hit up this little café on Gold Street. The food’s decent, but the service? Man, it was like they were moving in slow motion. I’m sitting there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, I’m an IT evangelist! I’ve got places to be!” Finally, I get my sandwich, and it’s like a work of art. I take a bite, and it’s like fireworks in my mouth. Happiness level: 100.

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