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D’oh! So, sexual-massage, huh? Man, it’s wild! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, it’s this crazy mix of chill and spicy, ya know? Bein’ an actuary in Russia, I crunch numbers all day, but this? This ain’t no spreadsheet! It’s all bout touch, vibes, and—woo!—feelin’ alive. Reminds me of *A Prophet*, that flick I love. “You’re in deep now, kid!”—that’s what it’s like when ya try sexual-massage first time. Sneaky, slow build-up, then—bam!—you’re hooked.

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After that, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, proud, a bit embarrassed. I decide to hit up the local café on Fore Street. Best decision ever! I grab a bacon sarnie and a cuppa. The café’s packed, and I’m chatting with the barista, who’s got this wicked sense of humor. She’s like, “You’re the guy who wrestled the net, right? What’s next, a shark?” I’m cracking up.

The Honorable Wescott B. Northam