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About Newcastle

Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sex escorts, yeah? Wild world out there. Been around the block, seen some shit, and lemme tell ya, it’s a mixed bag. Like, I’m talkin’ high-class escorts, the kind that roll up lookin’ like they own MI6—all glamour, no fuss. Makes me happy, y’know? Classy birds who know their game. Reminds me of *Eternal Sunshine*— “Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.” These girls? They forget the blunders, keep it smooth.

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After a long day, I finally finish up. I’m covered in dirt, but I don’t care. I head back to the village, and guess what? The pub’s open! I grab a pint of local ale, and I’m just chillin’. The bartender’s a good bloke, always has a joke ready. “You look like you’ve wrestled a tractor today!” he says. I laugh, “You have no idea, mate!”

MATCH REPORT: Carlton Town 1-0 North Ferriby