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Sexual-massage can be awkward too—dude, you’re naked, she’s not, what’s the deal? Cracked me up, like, “Say hello to my little friend!”—but he’s just chillin’, waitin’. Some say it heals, releases tension—bullshit or real? I dunno, mang, I’m no doctor. Just know it’s a vibe, a rush, a freaky lil’ escape. Try it, fucker, tell me whatchu think!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, proper British weather, right? I’m scrambling to find cover, and I end up under this tree. I’m standing there, soaked, and I can’t help but laugh. I mean, what else can you do?

Controversial South Yorkshire church plans turned down for third time