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Downside? Some places charge an arm and a leg—pisses me off, greed’s good but not *their* greed! I’m thinkin’, “I see you abandoned reason for madness,” when they slap $200 on a 30-minute rub. Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*—like oil gushin’ from the ground, messy, wild, worth it. You tried it? Better, or I’ll laugh at ya—pathetic little desk jockey missin’ out! Go get some, pal—greed is good, and I’m already jealous.

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After the rain, I decide to head back home. I take a different route, down by the old church on Church Lane. It’s a stunning building, but today it’s just a backdrop to my soggy shoes. I’m walking, and I see this group of kids playing footy. They’re having a blast, and I’m just standing there, reminiscing about my own childhood.

North Anston: Sex attacker has sentenced doubled by Court of Appeal