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Oh, and don’t get me started on those fancy spa ads – “Tantric bliss,” my ass. Overpriced crap, $200 for some breathin’ and a tease. Gimme the shady spot any day – cheaper, realer, ya feel me? Anyway, it’s all bout the vibe, the slow build, that “Who sent you?” tension from the flick. Keeps ya guessin’. Love it, hate it, can’t stop thinkin’ bout it. How you doin’ after that, huh?

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So, I’m waiting in line, and this bloke in front of me spills his coffee all over the counter. I mean, come on! It’s like a scene from a bad sitcom. The barista, bless her, is trying to clean it up while taking orders. I’m just standing there, fuming. I mean, I just wanted a latte, not a front-row seat to a coffee disaster.

'Two air ambulances and all emergency services' at scene of serious A57 crash